Defeating the Odds Page 9

  “It was stupid, and yes you keep saying it. I am very proud that you’re trying, but that slip up with messaging your friend has set you back a bit, Ford. Now, you mentioned a new high. Care to explain?” Her eyes bore into mine, demanding me to tell her about it. I get to my feet and walk over to the window. I can see people sitting enjoying the dry day. Cleo and Kyle are sitting over by the fish pond, drawing. I wonder if they actually have fish in there? I will have to check it out.

  “Ford." I take deep breath and think. I have to start somewhere, I suppose. Fuck it.

  “I’m gay,” I say with my back to her. My breathing is on pause, waiting for her reaction. I have no fucking clue whether she is going to be supportive or be anti-gay. Fuck, my heart is racing. Can you die from a heart attack at twenty-eight?

  “And?” Her response shocks the shit out of me. I spin around to face her and see the genuine smile on her beautiful face. My breath comes whooshing out of my lungs. The relief lifts from my chest and shoulders, making me shrink about three inches. I slowly walk back over to the chair and slump back down into it, my heart still racing behind my ribs. Doctor Wilks is still smiling at me, and I can’t stop the smile that slips across my face.

  “Did that feel good?” I nod my head. “Feel better?” I sit up and lift my left leg, resting the ankle on my right knee.

  “Fuck me,” is all I can say.

  I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with much needed oxygen. “It did feel good. I feel like a small weight has been lifted. But it still scares the ever-loving-fuck out of me. Being a gay sports star isn’t exactly accepted these days. You know share a shower after the game. My teammates will never look at me the same way. They will treat me differently.” I explain.

  “I think you are wrong on all accounts, Ford. Being gay is accepted around the world now. The job you have doesn’t factor in to it. I am sure that some of your teammates will feel a little uncomfortable around you in the shower at first, but that is their issue, not yours. You can’t stop being you. You can’t stop being gay, Ford. It is who you are. I know plenty of gay celebrities that are accepted worldwide. But it is up to you to take that step.” I shake my head, trying to understand what she is saying, but she has no clue how they will react. Or the rest of the world.

  I thank her for her talk and make my way back to my room. I need to run. The pulsing energy running through my body is making me crazy. I quickly change into my running gear and hit the track on the left side of the main building. My strides coming fast and hard.

  My thoughts run fifty-miles-per-hour in my head. Good and bad thoughts.

  The last week in here has been really good. I feel as if I am finally getting somewhere. I tried out that yoga shit again, and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I remember telling Ford about it and how he had laughed at me and called me a pussy. I challenged him to try it, and he just laughed. It felt great to imagine him sitting there with a smile on his face. It was obvious he had demons he was fighting within himself. Maybe if he relaxed more and let go, he would be the real him and not hide so much. Shit, look at me turning into Dr. Phil.

  “Hey.” I glance up from wrapping my hands and see Sam standing in front of me. She is wringing her hands together and looks uneasy.

  “You okay?” I ask as I climb to my feet

  “Yeah. I… um, I’m leaving.”

  “Leaving?” I ask, scrunching up my face in confusion.

  “Yeah. I’ve fought my demons. Learnt how to control them. I’m starting my outpatients programme.”

  “That’s great. I’m so proud of you.” I scoop her up by her waist and spin her around in a circle. “When do you leave?”

  “I’m leaving tonight.” She smiles at me. “Um… Just one more thing.”

  I shoot her a chin lift as a signal to continue and march over to the punching bag, where I start throwing jabs.

  “Spit it out, Sam.”

  “Callum asked me out and I really want to go,” she says it so fast, like she’s worried how I will react.

  “When did he do that?” I stop my work out so I can give her my full attention.

  “We’ve been talking via facebook all week. Then yesterday, he asked me out when I told him I was getting out of here.”

  “So you knew yesterday that you were leaving?”

  “Yes.” She hurries over to me and grabs my hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you then. I didn’t want to upset you.”

  “I’m not upset. I’m going to miss you.” I pull her close and wrap my arms around her shoulders. “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come.”

  “So, you don’t mind if I go out with your little brother?”

  “Not at all. He’s a good one. He’ll treat you right.”

  “Thanks, Damon. I’ll come and visit. I promise.”

  “No. I’ll see you when I’m out of here. I’ll get myself sorted so I can fight and get you those front row tickets that you want. Gotta keep my promises.”

  “I want full locker room access and everything.”

  “You got it.” I smile at her. “Now, go and pack and let me get back to working out. I have a number one spot to hold onto.” I throw a wink at her before she swishes away. I know Sam will do good on the outside, she is a tough woman. I believe we will be friends for a long time when were are both out of here.

  I’ve just finished showering after my workout when there is a knock at my door. I quickly dry myself and chuck some clothes on.

  “Damon!” Will shouts

  “Did you just let yourself into my room?” I bark, coming out of the bathroom while scraping my hair into a bun.

  “You didn’t answer. I told you when you arrived here that you wouldn’t be able to hide away.”

  “I’m not hiding away. I was getting out of the fucking shower. You didn’t even give me five minutes.”

  “You have visitors,” he states.

  “I don’t want to see anyone.” I cross my arms over my chest.

  “They’ve come all this way, and family therapy is part of your programme.”

  “I don’t care.” I click the buttons on the laptop that I keep in my room and open the HiTalk programme.

  HotHeadV: Hey, you okay?

  “You have to participate in everything that is compulsory in order to complete the programme.”

  “And what if I don’t?” I state. Defiance clear in my voice.

  “Then you’ll be here a lot longer than you originally planned.”

  “Fine. I’ll be down in a minute.”

  “You’re doing the right thing.” Will squeezes my shoulder and I pull away from him. I thought he was here to help me, not force me to do things I’m not comfortable with.

  HotHeadV: Family therapy here I come.

  I leave the laptop open and the programme up. I’m sure Ford will reply when he’s about. We had talked every day this week. I looked forward to our little chats. Was it strange that I got butterflies in my stomach whenever I received a message from him? Or that my heart would slam against my chest when I saw those three little dots that meant he was typing back?

  I am falling for this guy and he isn’t even gay. I need to keep reminding myself that we can only ever be friends.

  I grab my hoodie off the back of the chair and throw it on as I make my way to the door. I slip my key card in my jeans pocket and head downstairs.

  I stand outside the blue door that has a silver plaque that reads ‘Family room’. Who am I going to see on the other side of that door? I am secretly hoping it will be my brothers and no one else. I really don’t want to see my mum and dad, let alone actually talk to them.

  I take a deep breath before pushing the door open. As I glance up, there they are; a man who is just a little shorter than me, with thick, dark hair, wearing a charcoal suit, and a woman with shoulder-length, mousy-brown hair, wearing glasses, skinny black jeans, a blouse and cardigan.

  “Oh, Damon. We’re so happy to see you,” Mum gushes as she rushes over to me. I gingerl
y wrap my arms around her.

  “Damon.” Dad nods at me as he holds his hand out for a handshake. “How are you holding up, son?”

  I shake his hand but don’t answer his question.

  “Mr and Mrs Vardy, Damon. Come and take a seat.” Dr. Tamer gestures to a set of sofas and a single chair. Mum and dad sit on the sofa, holding hands, as I slump into the armchair.

  “Damon, how do you feel about your parents being here?” the doctor asks.

  “I don’t want to see anyone,” I state.

  “And why is that?” I chance a glance at my parents and notice Mum wiping a tear away from under her glasses as Dad runs his hand up and down her back.

  “Loyalty means a lot to me.” I cross my arms over my chest and clench my jaw tight.

  “You don’t think your family are loyal to you?” she questions.

  “I know they aren’t.”

  “Damon, how could you say that?” Mum gasps as she covers her chest with her hand, looking shocked.

  I take slow, deep breaths, trying to control the burning that is creeping into my body. I wish I had taken those bloody meditation classes now. My fists clench tighter as my knee bounces on the spot.

  “Damon, do not ignore your mother,” my dad scolds.

  I fly out of my seat and begin pacing in front of the large patio doors. I look outside and try to focus on the sway of the trees and the birds flying in the sky. I don’t want to lose my temper in front of them. I don’t want them to be right. I don’t want them to see that I did, in fact, need to be here. That they are bringing the anger out in me.

  “I’m your son,” I mutter. “Yet all your loyalty goes to him.”

  “What are you talking about, son?” Dad asks.

  “I got carted off to this place, and where were you two?” I pause, looking between them both. They exchange a look between them but stay quiet.

  “That’s right. You were by his side. By the man who killed your daughter!” My breathing is all over the place. One minute I can’t take a deep breath and then I am calm. What is happening to me?

  “Damon, the police report came back to say that it was an accident,” Dr Tamer starts.

  “Flynn couldn’t have done anything different,” Mum says.

  “Don’t you dare sit there and defend him. How could you?” I roar. I need to get out of here. I can’t be in this room with them. As far as I am concerned, I don’t have a mother or a father.

  I storm towards the door, fling it open and make a run for the stairs. I dig my key card out of my pocket and wave it over the panel. Red lights flash. Shit, why isn’t it working? I swipe it again, and it flashes red once more.

  I bang my hand on the door and it flies open. Thank fuck for that. There is only one person who I need to talk to.

  I stride over to the laptop to see that Ford still hasn’t answered my messages. I click the camera button in the top corner and wait to see if it will connect to video chat.

  My little bathroom is filled with steam from my piping hot shower. A shower that had me fucking my fist at thoughts of Damon. It has been a week of steady chatting between us. I still haven’t fully opened up to him about my sexuality, but I know I need to talk to him about it. With him being in a very male-dominated sport and openly gay, maybe he can help me. I wrap a black towel around my waist and use a smaller one to scrub over my hair.

  A beeping sound comes from my room, so I walk in to see what is causing it. My laptop is open, with messages from Damon, but I’d needed a shower before I sat down and talked to him. The screen is doing this weird connecting thing while beeping. I shrug and click on the little phone icon to connect to video chat without thought.

  In a flash, Damon’s face fills the screen. I am still standing, so I can only assume that he is seeing my naked torso right now. Great first face-to-face meeting.

  “Damon?”

  “Well, I wasn’t expecting that. Feel free to lose the towel altogether.”

  “You would like that, wouldn’t you?” I say to him while lowering myself to the chair.

  “Shit, I need something to distract me.”

  “Distract you from what? Are you okay, Damon?” I ask, and watch him as he pulls the hair tie out of his hair and ties it back up. His face shows he is pissed off about something. His muscles are bunched up, tensed with anger.

  “My fucking parents are here. Trying to make me do group therapy.”

  “And you don’t want to see them? And by the way, what the fuck is that on top of your head?” I really don’t get the fascination with men having long hair. Damon chuckles and his eyes crinkle. My heart stutters, taking me by surprise.

  “You won’t be complaining about it when you want to use it to control my speed when my mouth is full of your cock.”

  Holy fucking shit, did he just say that? I open my mouth a few times, but no words come out. He has shocked the shit out of me.

  Maybe now is the time for me to confess to Damon that I am, in fact, gay. It felt good telling Doctor Wilks, and maybe he can help me sort through my shit and come clean.

  “I do like something to hold on to.” I wink at the screen. Damon smirks at me and I continue, “You had better make sure that you like it rough and swallow every fucking drop.” I run my hand over my still damp chest and watch as his eyes follow its path. I am open to topping and bottoming, but I can only imagine that Damon would top me in a heartbeat, and I’m okay with that. I sit and wait to see what Damon comes back with.

  “I never spill a drop. What a waste that would be. So how come you kept telling me you weren’t gay? Or do you like to fuck women too?”

  “Spillage should never be allowed. To answer your questions, I have only fucked a handful of women. But I am gay, Damon. One hundred percent. But in my job, it’s hard to come out. No one likes a gay footballer. I have had to hide it for years. Only two people knew that I was gay before I came in here; my brother Nick and Elliott my fuck-buddy.” Damon frowns at the mention of Elliott’s name. Is he jealous? Fuck no. Why would he be jealous of me fucking someone else? He doesn’t even know me.

  I shift in my seat and decide to change the subject. “Why didn’t you want to see your parents?” He climbs to his feet and paces around the room like a caged animal, before coming back to sit in front of his computer.

  “Remember how I told you about the idiot who killed my sister? Well, when he was in hospital recovering from our fight, my parents were by his bedside. Comforting him! He killed their daughter, my sister!”

  “Shit, are you serious? Man, that is messed up. No wonder you didn’t want to see them. I’m sorry, D.” I feel for this guy. I really do. It sucks that his parents would comfort the man that took his sister from him. I can understand his anger. I would be the same if someone took Nick from me. His frown makes me want to change the subject.

  “So, did my little display help you calm down some?” I smirk at the screen.

  “Yep. Not sure a covered chest would have had the same impact. So, thanks for that. Is it weird that when I went into a rage, you were the first person I needed to speak to?”

  “Not strange no. When I told Doctor Wilks I was gay, it was you that I wanted to open up to. We sound like a pair of fucking girls, man. But I get you.” We both laugh, and the sound of his makes my belly flip. Bloody hell, this man is getting under my skin. I scratch my chest and Damon’s eyes fill with lust, so me being me, I run my hand over my pec, playing close attention to my nipple.

  My dick jerks under the towel at the thought of Damon watching me jerk off. He goes to speak but stops, then tries again.

  “Um… thanks for the chat, man. I need to go. Sam needs me.” Wait, what? I watch as the screen shuts down and Damon disappears from sight. My heart sinks. Disappointment fills my body. Clearly, he doesn’t like me like that. Fuck, I am such a tool for thinking an openly gay man like Damon Vardy would like a closet gay like me. I send Damon a quick message.

  Ford18: Hey. I don’t know what the hell happened for you
to fuck off on me. Maybe I said something or did something to make you pissed at me. But you need to deal with the anger issues you have with your parents and the knobhead that killed your sister. Maybe see if your centre has a grief counsellor you can talk to. You need to talk it out, man.

  Fucking hell. I slam the laptop shut and walk over to my chest-of-drawers where I pull out some clothes to wear. I need to get out of my room. I need a distraction from my thoughts of that man. That sexy as fuck, tattooed man that I bet fucks like a beast.

  Bet.

  Shit. That word rattles around my brain. Damon’s face pops into my head again. What I’d told him about wanting to tell him I was gay, was the truth. And now that I feel the urge to place a bet, the fucker has pissed off on me. Who the fuck is Sam anyway?

  I walk out of my room and head for the TV room. I need to see who is playing today.

  Kyle is sitting on the leather couch staring at the TV, while watching a footie game that is playing. Thank fuck it isn’t my team. The way I am feeling right now, watching my team play would push me over the edge. I crack my knuckles and slam my body down on the couch next to Kyle.

  “Foul! Fucking hell, ref, that’s a red card any time of the day. Fucking arsehole,” I scream at the TV. Kyle doesn’t flinch. He is lost in his own head.

  I tap his thigh to get his attention. “Hey, you okay?” I ask when he finally looks up at me. He shakes his head before getting up and walking away. I take it today is the day for everyone to fuck off on Ford Matthews. I sink back into the couch more and stay there until the game ends. I know there is another game on after this one, but my mind keeps wandering to Damon. Thinking about what he is doing. Is he doing it with this Sam? Jealousy rages through my blood at thoughts of Damon getting fucked by some twat named Sam. My fists clench and the urge to run fills me.